Reflections on grief

17 October 2021

The lessons in loss life teaches when a loved one dies

Words Belinda Davis

Since Father’s Day last month, I have been thinking about the loss of my dear dad, the impact of his loss and that of other significant people in my life, and the journey you embark upon when such devastation occurs.

It can feel like your brain is full of a type of fog that clears momentarily before it descends once again. I have noticed a change in the way I view the world and those I care for. I have become less tolerant of petty arguments. I have become more willing to express my appreciation for those around me.

I have had many moments reflecting on this phenomenon called ‘grief’, and this is what I have learned:

• Everyone is different in how they respond to the news of a death.
• Everyone is different in how they react to loss.
• There are no rules.
• There is no right way to do it.
• There is no particular order to anything you might feel.
• There is no reason for emotion overwhelming you at random times.
• There are lots of people who don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving.
• There are lots of people who should be careful what they say to someone who is grieving.
• People are fearful of raw emotion.
• People are scared to be reminded of their mortality.
• God gets blamed for a lot of stuff, including death.
• Don’t be afraid to express how you are feeling.
• This is the moment in time that symbolises the end of their earthly journey.
• Be sad, but choose to remember their influence, the lessons, the love.
• Those things will always be a part of you.
• For those that love God, it is not the end.
• Knowing that fact does not make you miss them any less.
• God is with me in this journey of grief.
• I do not know how people can do this without God in their life.
• And much more.

The hope God offers me is what has carried me through this time. I am grateful for that and for those who have demonstrated his love to me in times when this sense of loss can be overwhelming. I pray I will now be able to deal more honestly and graciously with those I meet who may be grieving.

Major Belinda Davis is a Salvation Army officer (pastor) in South Australia. She blogs at A-blessed-life.com