Confessions of chronic school refusal

19 January 2021

Helping anxious students as the start of school approaches

Words Jessica Morris

School is almost back! And while parents and guardians may be shouting for joy, some students may not feel the same way. It is normal for a sense of anxiety and fear, or even dread, to come up for some kids and teenagers – and I relate.

My high school years were some of the hardest of my life. Rather than looking forward to seeing my friends every day, I woke up with a ball of elastic in my stomach. I would become physically ill, anxious about my subjects, my appearance, my friends – even the way I breathed.

My anxiety and depression spiralled, and eventually, at the age of 13, I was so bound by mental illness that I couldn’t even get out of bed – let alone attend school. I have a distinct memory of my mother saying that we would go to the doctor for help.

The fact that I did not have to attend school that day has stayed with me. It showed me that my mum didn’t see my school refusal as arrogance or laziness, but as a cry for help. In this way, I learned very quickly that my parents’ influence and the actions of my teachers had a significant impact on my recovery. And this meant that I was not only able to get better, but also graduate from high school after finally attending school full-time in Year 12.

Some years later, when I worked in a school, I saw some students going through the same struggles. Due to my experience, I learned to support their families rather than judge them for their students’ apparent ‘sick days’.

If you are a parent, guardian, teacher, or even a friend of a student who also has plenty of ‘sick days’, then I’d like to give you some hope, or tips, as someone who experienced constant school refusal:

1. LET THE STUDENT KNOW THEIR FEELINGS ARE VALID

Affirm that they are not making it up or over-reacting. And highlight that, while this is not an excuse to miss school long term, you will work together to find new ways to participate in it.

2. DON’T FORCE THEM TO GET TO SCHOOL – WORK TOWARDS A LONG-TERM GOAL WHEN THEY ARE READY FOR IT

This is hard, because there is a fine line between honouring a student’s pain and having them regress in their education. It’s best to take it on a case-by-case basis. And sometimes, this means readjusting the end goal – shifting subjects, learning a trade or just aiming to pass so they can graduate.

3. REINFORCE EDUCATION AS A HEALTHY ASPECT OF THEIR LIFE

The priority is the student’s health, followed by their education. So, as their health improves, set bigger goals regarding school attendance. They need this to reach graduation and mature into adulthood.

4. APPROACH THE SCHOOL AND MAKE THEM AWARE OF THE SITUATION

Teachers, chaplains and social workers are all on hand to help families through this. Tell them about your situation, and ask how they can help. Thanks to my teachers, I never fell behind at school – they either modified my workload, or I worked from home.

5. SEEK OUTSIDE HELP

While the support of my family and school were fundamental in my recovery, having a counsellor who could support and challenge me was a game changer. As a parent or guardian, you do not have to face this battle alone – so please ask for help.

HELP IS OUT THERE

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

Headspace 1800 650 890

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

Lifeline 13 11 14